Should I move back in with my wife?
Let me first start by saying that my wife is not the best communicator, and she usually prefers me to take charge and just do something. . . where my style is usually to discuss it and make a decision together. My wife and I split up two years ago. For the past year we have been dating and trying to make things work. There are quiet things that need working on, however last year I wrote a list of what was wrong and what needed to be fixed and looking over the list yesterday my wife had made huge improvements. I am about to lose my house. I lost my job and was unemployed for over a year during the break up My wife has mentioned that it did not make sense for me to pay rent somewhere when I could be contributing to the household. But, she did not actually ask me to move back in. We have also had some problems that have come up due to the fact that we are married, living separately yet. She wants me to help her around the house, however I have my own house and we have 50/50 custody of our son. Right now I am in a financial bind as I’m making half of what I made when we were together. When we married she had horrible debt and bad debt finances, when I had great and no finances. I know my wife will not ask me to move back in but she keeps hinting about it. I’m afraid that if I bring it up it may come back to bite me later. I’m also concerned about getting an apartment and being committed to a lease for a year because that could put our relationship in a holding pattern for a year. We’ve both discussed that there are some issues that can not be resolved in our marriage until we are living as a family again. Can someone please give me some advice on how to handle it. And please do not suggest counseling, because counseling will not work fast enough to help with this decision. For the record, I’m not considering moving back in with her because of my financial position. My financial position is the reason I’m cautious about moving back in. She is the one that mentioned that it would be a waste of money to pay rent elsewhere. And maybe I was not clear. . . I AM WORKING! I am working a job that pays commission and so far I’m making half of what I made during the marriage. So, I’m losing my house because I WAS unemployed for over a year and just started working again in May
yo if she likes you like that then i don’t see why not.
at least you know she wants you.
theres more fish in the sea..
Move back in. There is no reason not to.
so do you want to move back in with her because you love her and want to be with her forever is it because you are broke and jobless?
either way, if she is dense enough to support you why the heck not, take what you can get in life, glad im not her though
Flip a coin. You’ll find that while it’s in the air you find yourself hoping it will come down one way or the other. Then you’ll know what you really want. Go for it and accept the consequences.
Yes.
Unless the Lord build the house you labor in vein.
Invite Him to build your house and you will have His peace that passes all understanding.
Move back in together. Go to counseling.
Work it out and be happy
Whew, wow….
At the risk of sounding like Oprah, you are at a crossroads type of place in your life. Here’s what I think:
*One way or the other, you’re going to need to know if this marriage will work. The only way to do that is by moving back in. If it doesn’t work after giving it every effort……get a divorce.
*If you already know that this marriage is doomed from where you sit right now…..get a divorce. Don’t let financial bind be your deciding factor, this is not the right reason to stay together.
or
*If you want a divorce and can’t afford one right now, wait until your money problems subside then get a divorce.
Yes, it sounds like she wants reconciliation but if communication doesn’t improve between you it will be a marriage filled with struggle and frustration. You won’t be happy and you’ll realize this very soon after moving back in because people can’t change how they are overnight if it doesn’t come naturally to them.
I’m sorry, these are just my thoughts. There is really no easy answer to this but again, at the risk of sounding like Oprah, go with your “inner-man”. Your gut usually makes the best decision in these types of situations.
What does your gut say?
You seem to have some reservations about moving back in with her. Perhaps you are not ready to make that move and if that is the case then you shouldn’t do it just because you are in fincial straights. She seems to be pushing for it not because she wants to be with you but because she would like some more help around the house.
Why not try and find somewhere with a six month lease and continue to work on things with your wife.
Move in with your wife. Your son deserves to be with his whole family full time.
There are a few glaring issues with your question.
1) You made a LIST? I don’t know many adults who would tolerate their partner making a list of their faults and then checking off items as they are improved upon. There’s something incredibly condescending and demeaning about that statement, “my wife had made huge improvements”.
2) You said you’re still married, i.e. her bad credit is your bad credit. Period.
3) If you love her, move back in and make it work. If you’re considering moving in for financial reasons, I’d think again if I were you. Frankly, she deserves better than just someone who decides to tolerate her because he’s in a financial bind, and that’s the overall tone of your post.
It seems like you have taken the right steps to making this relationship work better and improve. Well done. For a start it seems like you have been on the road to a better relationship long enough to make a decision like this. I think you should only move in with her if you really want to as moving in because of financial circumstances will most probably bite you in this ass. How ever if you are both really want this, make the commitment. Take it slow, but do not get invlolved with her financial debt because it wont work, If you sell your house and move in keep the money safe, how ever still contribute to the household with money and genrall helpfullness. Work on your relationship and recovery to a better financial aid. How ever do not use this oppertunity of moving in just to get a better hold of finances.
I think that you ought to give her a chance and consider letting her move back in. One, you split up and did not divorce. That tells me that even though there were problems you hoped from the beginning that things would get better. Two, you did say that you have let her know what you felt needed improvement and she has made progress. Ask yourself one question though. Would you be considering letting her move in if you were not having any financial problems? If you would then let her come back. If you wouldn’t then don’t. I can understand why you are concerned about letting her come back, worrying if things will go back to the way they were that caused you to split up in the first place. That is a legitimate fear. That is something that you are never going to have an answer to.
I will tell you that I was in a similar situation with my husband about 2 years ago. It was before we married. We were just living together. He and I had some problems that caused me to ask him to move out. For the next month he kept asking to come back, promising things would change. I finally gave in and let him come home. Things have not been perfect but he has made big changes and things are much better now. I am glad in my situation I took the chance. We are now married and have been for just over a year. It has been about 2 years and he has not gone back to to the way things were before.
I think that when someone is asked to leave it lets them know that you are serious about wanting things to change. If they really love you and what you are asking to change is reasonable and legitimate, I think that peolpe can and will change.
Dude… if you want to fix your marriage, then FIX YOUR MARRIAGE! This two years of “dating” your wedded spouse is absurd. Throw all your chips in and just DO IT. You should have been able to work out your issues ages ago. The fact that you haven’t done it yet is just laziness.
My advice… move back in and fix your marriage, for real, or get a divorce now. 2 years is more than long enough for you to have figured out what you want.
You talk here as if you have no fault throughout your time together. I do hope you have also work on your own part of fault. To be sincere l suggest you move in 1. for the sake of training the boy well. 2. Stop wasting money on two homes. I think you should move since you said she has change waiting another year outside may not be a great idea. I also pray you get another good job soon because that will make you happy. Above all talk to God about it He is best adviser since He is your creator and He is able to handle what ever you are going through.